Hit or Miss
by SaiVega
Summary: This may very well be his last chance. His very last chance. Or maybe it was a trap. He didn't know what the stars were telling him. Or maybe they weren't telling him anything. Should he take the shot or not? Is this heaven-sent or star-crossed? (WARNING: YAOI, HoroRen one-shot, sequel coming)


A/N: This is a re-write of one of my old one shots "Tsutaetai Omoi Feeling I Want to Tell" (now deleted). I've rewritten it because I'm finally going to be writing the sequel. Overall the story in this version is the same as the old one. I just had to add and take out a few things. Plus the old version was so poorly written I couldn't stand to keep it with the sequel coming.  
The sequel will be posted tomorrow, as a separate piece from this one (meaning not in the form of a new chapter under this title). Anyway, thanks for your interest and would very much appreciate it if you let me know what you think!

While the Shaman Fight was temporarily suspended, a group of friends gathered at Funbari Onsen for one last time to be with each other before returning to their own homes. Among them, one particular figure sat in a tree of the yard and stared at the stars and silver moon illuminating above him. The beauty spread infinitely across the velvet sky couldn't lift the sadness in his eyes that narrowed as he thought about a certain boy. His rival, his team mate, his best friend... his secret crush. Thinking about him only made him feel worse. But Horokeu Usui couldn't stop thinking about Ren Tao.

When they first met, Horokeu found Ren to be rather arrogant and annoying, and they always argued about one thing or another. But when the time came to save him and his sister from their father, he found out about the dark past that made the hard shell around his friend. And over the time he spent with Ren, the Ainu's view changed as he saw little by little the part of him below that cold surface. He was a team mate and a rival, but above that, Horokeu found a true friend in Ren. But he didn't know when that changed. All he knew was it kept building up into something else and he didn't know what it was becoming. He didn't know what to call it and he was nothing but confused. The best he could do was hide it while he tried to figure it out. And eventually, he did figure it out... when Ren almost got himself killed to save him. Almost. There was nothing Horokeu could be more grateful for than finding out he didn't lose him that day. But he also found out something else that day. That day was when it finally made sense. Knowing made him internalize it even further.

There was too much going on at the time anyway. For one, what brought them together in the first place was the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to become the Shaman King- no one was about to pass that up. Then, there were the X-Laws, which was trouble enough for them. And then, there was Hao.

But even in the midst of all that chaos that kept them busy, Horokeu couldn't ignore how he felt for Ren. Not with all that time they spent together, and the intensity of it made it that much harder. And now, he's starting to wonder if he should've told Ren. Because now, everything they've been through seems to finally be over. Now, they all finally get to really relax. Now, it was late in the night and everyone, including Ren, were asleep. And now, Horokeu was beginning to regret not finding a chance to be alone with Ren. Especially now, since Ren is supposed to fly back to China tomorrow morning. It's only now Horokeu's starting to think maybe he did want to let Ren know.

"What exactly are you doing up there, baka Horo?" Horokeu recognized that insult anywhere. It still made him flinch and he slowly peered down from the branch he was perched on to see who the voice belonged to. Ren raised a perplexed brow at the addressed Ainu because his face looked like he wanted to say he couldn't believe who was standing below him. It took a short moment for the blunette to realize the smaller male was waiting for him to answer his question.

"Nothing, I just...couldn't sleep." Horokeu managed to steady his voice. "What about you? I thought you already went to bed." He added before he could be asked why.

"I got thirsty." Ren shrugged and then began to climb the tree Horokeu was still sitting in, making the other scooch over. "So I had a glass of milk." Ren added as he settled on the space made for him. The ice Shaman hoped it was dark enough to hide how warm his cheeks were getting. Ren seemed totally oblivious to it as his golden eyes focused on the sparkling specks in the sky. And seeing him so fixated on them made Horokeu smile because he knew what the stars meant to his friend. But he especially savored them tonight because after tomorrow morning, he didn't know when he'll be back to see them in Japan again.

Horokeu's heart sank at that last thought. And it made him all the more aware. Everyone else were asleep. It was just the two of them. Under the stars. Like it's supposed to be some sort of cosmic sign. And now the idea overwhelmed him. The idea that this was his last chance. His very last chance, for real this time. But then at the same time he was choked by the undeniable doubt that he was wrong. That he was just being set up. Either way, Ren just sitting there right next to him made him feel like he was waiting. Well, maybe he wasn't exactly waiting for Horokeu to tell him but he might as well be, right? Horokeu wished he knew.

"Hey, Ren?" Horokeu piped after feeling like he could be suffocated by the silence. "Do you think stars can grant wishes?"

"What?" Ren turned to the other with unfiltered confusion, unsure if he heard that right.

"You know how people say that if you wish upon a star it can come true?" Horokeu's fingers fidgeted as he was well aware of how he sounded. "Do you think it's true?" He didn't blame Ren for giving him that look but it still made his face burn. Ren blinked at him, and it took him a couple of seconds to realize that he did, in fact, hear that right. He then rolled his eyes as if to say, fine I'll bite instead of outright ignoring the question and letting the otherwise ridiculous subject drop.

"That's just stupid superstitions." Ren sighed. "If you want something to happen you should do it yourself." Horokeu didn't expect any less from him. He might even agree. But—

"What if some wishes don't go that way?"

"Like what?"

"Like... what if you want to tell someone something but... you don't know what they'll say or how they'll react?" Horokeu's words didn't give away what—or who— he was talking about. But the feebleness of them gave away what an effort he was making to push past his hesitation. And above anything, his uncharacteristically timid face was enough to make Ren hold his tongue. It made him take a moment to consider his words.

"It's still the same thing." But consideration didn't change his response. "You won't know how someone feels unless you ask them." Ren shrugging his shoulders emphasized his opinion on the subject.

"Hehe... yeah..." Horokeu could only force out an empty chuckle. He wasn't actually surprised by his friend's bluntness. He might even say he expected it. But expecting it still didn't mean there wasn't any room for the disappointment.

Ren could tell Horokeu wasn't at all satisfied with his response. He could also tell the blunette didn't mean to let it show. He could even tell there was something the Ainu hasn't sorted out with himself yet. But he wasn't going to ask. Ren himself was a private person but if Horokeu was having a hard time talking about it, then he must be fighting one hell of an inner demon. Ren still didn't know what Horokeu was talking about but he knew better than to force it out of him.

"I'm going back to sleep." Ren simply stated so as not to alarm Horokeu with his awareness and jumped down from the tree. He had meant to give the Ainu some privacy to let him come to terms with whatever he was dealing with.

"Yeah, I'm going to sleep too." But Horokeu sighed and followed after him inside. It didn't really matter that he was oblivious to Ren's subtle consideration. Because this wasn't something he was going to resolve anytime soon anyway.

But Horokeu didn't go back to sleep. The reason he was even sitting awake outside was because he couldn't get himself to sleep earlier either. And now he was back to lying wide awake in his futon again. Because Ren was sleeping next to him. And there was no one else in the room. Due to the inn still being under renovation, the available rooms weren't large enough to hold everyone. So they were separated, and he was placed in a room with Ren.

Horokeu turned his head to where Ren slept. The other male's vulnerable, sleeping face made it impossible to stop the blush from creeping to his face. He's witnessed Ren sleeping multiple times during the Shaman Fight and there had even been occasions it was just the two of them in the room. But this wasn't like their time spent during the Shaman Fight. They weren't focused on training or competing for an ultimate goal, they weren't distracted by the X-Laws, or trying to stop Hao from destroying humanity, and they weren't fighting for their lives. Back then, Horokeu never figured out his feelings for Ren. It's different now that he's completely and hopelessly aware of it.

And it was hopelessly impossible to not want to kiss him right now. And of course, Horokeu told himself he can't. He's been telling himself the whole time he was lying there staring at that sleeping face and those unsuspecting lips. He knew it'd be wrong. But this was one of those easy-said-than-done situations. And the longer he lie there, the further his awareness grew, the louder his heart seemed to get and drown out all the reason his brain was trying to scream at him.

He didn't know if he could say he didn't mean to.

Maybe he could say he meant for it to be quicker than a blink.

But he didn't expect Ren's lips to be so soft.

He may have let it last a second or two longer than he had intended.

He might have forgotten to stop if he wasn't pushed away. Hard.

"What. The. Fuck." Ren's voice seethed with quiet wrath. He could barely breathe with the smokes of his fiery rage filling his lungs, making his shoulders rise and fall with the swelling. But somehow he managed to control his voice from exploding with that fury. It was nowhere near loud enough to wake anyone else in the inn. But it still made Horokeu tremble and it still numbed him from getting on his feet as he scrambled backwards on the floor to the wall behind him. Because staring into the pair of gold glaring down on him, he didn't know how much longer that enraged fire can be maintained.

"R-Ren... I-I can explain."

"Explain what!?" Ren hissed. "Explain what you were planning to do to me in my _sleep_!?"

"What? N-no, I'd never... Ren, it's just...I-I... Ren... I... I think I love you!" Horokeu shut his eyes like a bomb he failed to diffused was going to go off.

_"...What?"_ But it seemed the only thing diffused was Ren's anger, or at least that's what it sounded like from the blunt flatness of the Tao's voice. Horokeu opened his eyes again, and the other male was still standing over him, his previous outrage replaced with utter confusion. Horokeu still couldn't get up.

"I love you." But he wasn't choked anymore. It came out so easily this time. "Or I really, really, _really_ like you. The point is... I have feelings for you. I have for a while now and... I know that's not an excuse for what I just did. I'm sorry, I really am. It's just..." Horokeu pressed his lips together, his mouth going dry when what he did and the words that were pouring out of him suddenly dawned on him. And it felt like something will come out wrong if he didn't stop himself now. His obsidian eyes shifted away from Ren's face, unable to hold that dumbfounded gaze anymore. And the room went still with crushing silence.

"Look, Horohoro." Ren finally spoke and the addressed teen flinched at his quiet, collected voice. And even though he was unsure if he wanted to hear it or not, obsidian eyes filled with anticipation and fear looked up again at the unreadable face.

"...Eventually, I'm going to have to take a wife. That's inevitable. Once I leave for China tomorrow morning, I go back to my responsibilities as the Tao clan's heir. Everything goes back to normal." Ren spoke while thinking about their conversation from earlier, about Horokeu saying he had something to say, about how he wished he first knew how someone— how Ren— would react. How he would feel. Ren spoke calmly like he couldn't even see what he was doing to the blunette.

"I don't know if it's because of all the shit we went through, if you're confused or what... Whatever it is you're feeling, I suggest you get over it fast before life goes back to normal for you too. So it _can_ go back to normal." But it flitted in Horokeu's hurtful stare, and seeing it made him pause. He sighed at it, and that was the only sign of him faltering against the damage he was inflicting. Like he was annoyed by it. Horokeu's brows narrowed as he swallowed hard on the lump that had formed in the back of his throat all the while he sat there and took Ren's indifference.

"...Right." Still, he could barely speak over a whisper. "Sorry." His voice cracked against the word, from feeling like he was supposed to say it—like he wasn't allowed to say anything else. And then his vision blurred, making him look away from Ren's face. His jaws locked in his desperate effort to keep anything from spilling out of his stinging eyes.

Nothing else came from Ren.

But his phone sounded the alarm that was set for the time Ren was supposed to wake up to if he had been sleeping. Ren scowled at the noise and turned it off but didn't say anything as he made his way across the room to the door. Horokeu still had his eyes set on the wall, kept his head turned and faced away from the other male who didn't even pay him so much as an acknowledging glance. Not a single indication of concern from him. So Horokeu didn't know what kind of expression Ren was wearing as he went out the door and left him alone in the dark room.

While Ren's complete disregard did make Horokeu hurt more...the blunette was glad for it because it made it easier. Because even if he did get a look at Ren, the Ainu probably wouldn't have been able to see anyway—everything he was holding back in his eyes made it too obscure to see anything. But hearing the door close was like setting off a switch. And it made him realize it was too much. He couldn't hold it back anymore, much less stop the tears. But he pressed together the back of his teeth to chew back his voice. It was the most he can allow while he was still alone.

He still had some time. He'll just wait until he hears everyone else wake up. Then, make up some excuse for being late.


End file.
